When the Going Gets Tough, AP Gets Going

Last Wednesday, my baby Harry went in for a bilateral inguinal hernia repair - same day surgery. All went well, the surgery was successful, and he was sent home about six hours after surgery.

He was very tired that day, as were we all. He ended up falling asleep before six o'clock, and I fell asleep right along with him. The doctor had recommended that we give him Tylenol every six hours to maintain his comfort, so at midnight I got up and gave him a dose. I noticed that he had a bit of a fever, but I wasn't alarmed because the surgeon had told me to anticipate a bit of this due to the effects of the procedure and anesthesia. I went back to sleep, but woke out of a dead sleep at 2 am in a panic. I reached over to touch Harry's forehead, and he was on fire. I called his pediatrician who suggested that we get him to the ER right away.

In the end, it was probably viral, but we spent four stressful days in the hospital while we waited for his temperature to normalize, for him to be hydrated intravenously, and for all his blood and urine cultures to come back normal. I do believe that our Attachment Parenting style helped him to recover quickly and fully, but it ended up being even more useful once we got home.

My three-year-old daughter Bess was home with her Aunt Lauren while Harry and I were in the hospital and my husband John was back and forth to home, hospital and work. Once we were home safe and sound, Bess basically had the preschooler version of a nervous breakdown. She had one hysterical meltdown after another about anything and everything. She didn't know what she wanted, so she just kept asking for this doll, this snack, this outfit, but nothing was quite right or quite enough.

I was beyond exhausted and barely had the energy to get up and move around. I definitely didn't think I had it in my reserves to deal with the non-stop tantrums. But I took a deep breath, sat back, and listened to what she had to say. Eventually, she admitted that she was afraid that we had brought Harry to the hospital - which happened to be the same hospital where he had been born - because we were "giving him back" to the nurses. I never would have dreamed that was what she was thinking, but there it was. Once I assured her that Harry was here to stay, with us, things got much better very quickly. She was still tired and a little clingy when she was separated from her brother - she called me on my cell phone with a desperate "Where's Harry?" when I brought him to the doctor for a follow-up visit without her - but I think that having the space to figure out her feelings and the permission to express them did her a world of good.

It's easy to talk about AP with a little baby. Breastfeed, co-sleep, baby wear, just simply be around - it's physically exhausting, but really not so hard. It's when they get older, and issues and personalities begin to come into play, that the real work begins. It is then that the groundwork of trust and cooperation that has been laid really comes in handy.