The AP Balancing Act

This past weekend, I took a trip to Washington DC with my sister and the kids. Our plan was to go down on Friday, get settled in the hotel that night, then get up Saturday morning, go to the Green Festival in the morning and the zoo in the afternoon, go back to the Festival on Sunday morning for awhile and then head home.

Ah, the best laid plans.

Our schedule did look like that. However, the effort it took to keep it all together while getting around was frustrating and exhausting. Bess, a very spirited and sensitive child, was totally overstimulated by the city and disrupted by the change in routine and environment. It took us an hour and a half to walk the six blocks from the hotel to the Convention Center because she wanted to stop and look at every leaf, feel the sidewalks with their different textures, listen to the birds and the traffic, and climb on every statue. She didn't want to hold our hands while we navigated crowded sidewalks and busy streets. By the time we were ready to go to the zoo, she was so exhausted that she had a complete meltdown and fell asleep by six that evening. The next morning she was up before five, so by the time 2 pm came and I was poised to see the one speaker I had come for, she had had enough and we had to walk out.

Through it all, I tried to stay calm. I tried to remember that, at three years old, she is egocentric and developmentally unable to consider a perspective other than her own. I tried to be sympathetic to the fact that she, like the adults in our party, was totally exhausted and overwhelmed by the sights, the noise, and our ambitious agenda. But I was frustrated. I wanted to look at the exhibits, to listen to some interesting speakers, to enjoy the zoo. I didn't get to do any of that, and I was mad.

So I began to wonder - where was the balance in this situation? My sister really wanted to see the animals at the zoo, and so did I. She is a zoologist, and there were some really interesting and rare animals she wanted to view. I really wanted to hear the speakers at the Festival, and so did she. As a student of humane education, I had the opportunity to learn about what is going on in my field, to meet some interesting people, and to hear some new ideas. Neither one of us got our needs met. Neither did Bess, really.

Part of AP is making sure everyone's needs are getting met, within reason. When babies are small, their needs often take priority over ours. A hungry baby gets fed before we do. A baby who is crying at 2 am gets attended to at the cost of our own rest. But as our children grow, they start to be able to defer their own needs and we can start to rediscover ours.

I'm not sure what I could have done differently to make this weekend go more smoothly. Bess is an exuberant, observant and strong-willed child who is exploring her independence in age-appropriate ways. Usually, that's perfectly fine with me, but this time I hoped I could do what *I* wanted to do. Perhaps the trip was just ill-conceived and there was nothing that could have been done to improve the outcome. If you have any thoughts, please comment! I would love some ideas!